The story: The tree house
Once upon a time in a dark gloomy wood live a family of four. There were two children. One was called Ben the other named Kate.
One day they went in to the woods. Ben and Kate went to a tree “We can build a tree house” whispered Kate.
“Lets get started” said Ben.
Kate and Ben found some wood.
Kate ran home to get some tools. “Mum can I have some tools?” begged Kate. “Why?” said mum. “Because me and Ben are building a tree house” cried Kate. “Okay and take a backpack for you and Ben, it got some things you mite want, when Dad comes home I will tell him to come over” said mum.
Kate ran back. “Here you go.” panted Kate. “Why do I need this” joked Ben! ”it might have some thing you need” muttered Kate. “Like what?” said Ben rudely. “It got food in and toys those sort of things ok shouted Kate. “Yes” said Ben. “ let get finished ” laughed Kate. “Can you hear that?” whispered Ben and Kate saw a big shadow. “Ahhhhhhh” screamed the children. “It’s only me” said dad! Dad helped them finished the tree house. “Finished” they all said. “Time for bed now” said dad “Dad can we sleep in the tree house” Begged the children. “No but maybe tomorrow” yawned dad. “thank you for helping us Dad ” said Kate tiredly.
The next morning Kate and Ben took there breakfast to the tree house. They stayed in the tree house all day. “LOOK” shouted Ben. “Zombies” cried Kate. the zombie’s starts to clime the tree house! The king zombie shouted “tie them up” “in your backpack there a knife” whispered Ben. Kate got the knife and cut the ropes! “Get the food out”. Ben got the food out and throws it at the zombies. The zombies ran away and never came back...
|By a child aged 8.|
|Some feedback to talk about with your child|
I really enjoyed reading your story! You used many of the ingredients needed for a good story.
I’ve listed them below. There are a few more things that would make it even better though…
Have a look at my suggestions and see if you can find ways of improving your story.
If you can and would like to send it back to me, I will see about publishing it in the library on the storywrite website.
I will let you know when it is published! |
What you have done well:
|Suggestions for how to make your story even better!|
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The feedback is provided by a fully qualified primary school teacher with many years experience in schools situated in both village and inner city settings, who has conducted extensive research into the effective teaching of creative writing to children up to the age of 14. A number of publications and reviews of this work are available - see site history and reason.
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