Children's Story Writing

See for yourself how HARRY helps children
to make rapid progress with story writing

Below are some examples of stories a child wrote with and without HARRY's interactive story writing tool. She wrote the three stories over three weeks:
  • the first story without any help
  • the second story with HARRY's help (using the interactive story writing tool)
  • a third story (written after using the HARRY interactive story writing tool) without any help.

You can see how having HARRY's help made the second story very much better than the first, but also how she put into practice some of the things she had learned from writing with HARRY in the third story, which is also much better than the first.

The stories compared

Story 1:
  • has an uninteresting opening and ending
  • is short - it lacks detail, characterisations, description, an unexpected event and resolution
  • is not organised into paragraphs
  • has limited speech/dialogue
  • uses simple words and sentence structures

Story 2:
  • uses an opening device (description) and has a satisfying ending, a series of events including a problem and resolution
  • describes the setting through adjectives and similes, and develops the characters well
  • is detailed, well paced and organised into paragraphs
  • has interesting and plentiful dialogue which moves the story along
  • uses some sophisticated words, a good variety of words, and some complex sentence constructions

Story 3:
  • has a plot which develops logically, but mostly through (lively) dialogue
  • has a satisfying ending, but no unexpected event or problem to be resolved
  • is detailed and organised into paragraphs
  • has some descriptive phrases
  • uses some sophisticated words and sentence constructions

1. Story written without any help before using the HARRY interactive story writing tool

The children that lived on the top of the hill

There were two children that live on a hill. They are all ways bored because they live away from the town. The next day there mum was watching the news she forgot to tell Billy and Mary that a rocket is going two takes them to space. The next day she told them that they were going to space. They were thrilled that there were going up. That night the Rocket landed at the station. They were there in there kit that got order for them. Now they were off they were on the space ship as quickly as there legs could run. They were In the ship "Billy we are in the wrong place" we are not.... A few minutes later "Billy Billy wake up " "were am I" "we are in a death trap" "in space" "yes". The next thing you know is that there back at home in bed it was all a dream.

2. Story written with HARRY's help (written by the same child)

Fluffy & Jane

Tonight is a beautiful night to be looking out of the window. Not for Jane she is playing with her toy rocket. Jane has a huge imagination for a five-year-old girl. Because she watches her space movie about three times a day, she always wants to fly into space and play with the stars. The bit she hates about space is aliens. She likes it when they show the deep inky galaxy, and the bit where the stars come dazzling out of the darkness.

Today her mum and dad have taken her out to the space station. Jane loves it there. After they bought some cotton candy, Jane ran to this funny looking thing. It was a UFO Jane hasn't heard of a UFO. She went inside the UFO "what's this" Jane looked at the object and stared at it very carefully. It said on the object that it takes you into space. So she tried it out. She pressed the button and she was flying out into the unknown galaxy. It took her two weeks to fly to this planet. Space is as quiet as a mouse, it gleams like a shiny snake.

Jane is having a good time, but she misses her mum and her dad. She was having lunch when she heard a noise behind the craters. Coming out of the crater came a big, angry red headed ball of fluff she was a bit surprised when she looked at it, it wasn't scary at all. She was a bit surprised because aliens are meant to be scary not look like a fluffy bunny. "AAAHHH! What are you?" "Eh I am a human being and why are you afraid of me". "Because no one has been here before, I mean look at you at your monster eating your brain".

Everything was going well, but something that they didn't no about was happening. Fluffys Dad was the king and he was massive he always has his favourite waiter with him Goober.
"Why does my son hang out with a human BEING?"
shouted king fluff and everything fell of the table. Back outside were Fluffy and Jane eating biscuits and cheese craters.
"So where are your Mum and Dad" whispered Fluffy very quietly.
"Back at planet earth that is my home,"
"How did you get here then?"
"I used this gadget its in my pocket somewhere let me just get it oh no its not THERE" shouted Jane.

"But my Dad has one" screamed Fluffy
"Come on then lets go," shouted Jane. They looked round the corner and they found the spaceship. The spaceship had a wonky steering wheel, it was the only one that looked good so they jumped into the UFO. It was a shiny and sparkling spaceship.
"This spaceship is called Pluto"
"It's a beautiful name"
"Thank you well lets go," said Fluffy. So they buckled their self in and of they went. "I am getting tired"
"Well you can't go to sleep yet little girl"
"Dad" screamed Fluffy what are you doing here. Fluffy's Dad's army of robots surrounded them.

"Please dad I am trying to help my friend back to earth"
"I will not listen, I will not let you hang out with her she is A HUMAN BEING".
"But dad"
"No buts I am going to kill your friend so you will never see her again. "Nooo!" and the spaceship was turning upside down around and around until they shot off through the deep galaxy they were near earth they were zooming at full speed.
"Arhhhh! Watch out for that house" BANG they crashed into the police station. "Where's Fluffy "
"I am here I have turned into a human,"
"But how?"
"When I am on planet earth I turn in to a boy".
"YEH but we have to keep this a secret"
"Got it "said Fluffy. So they shook hands and they will never talk about this again.

3. Story written after using HARRY's interactive story writing tool (written by the same child)

Treasure island

The new inn is where Captain Bones lives and his friends Rolf, Angel Marie the dog, and his best Friend Master Hawkins. They always want to go on an adventure on the sea. Captain Bones is a grown up and Hawkins is 11 and Rolf is 11. They have a waiter that is really strict Maid Marie. She really tells them what to do. Captain Bones always wants his rum. Every night they have a feast and Captain Bones tells a story about Captain Flint because Captain Bones was Flint's first mate on the ship.

" So me lad's what you doing today"
" I don't know"
"well I hope it's something quiet because my old self is going to bed"
"ok Captain Bones night night"
BANG the door slammed that was it nearly broken.
"I wish I could be a Captain of a ship like Captain Bones"
"I wish I could be in a ship and sail out to sea"
"wait what's this I wonder what it is"
" I what is it I think it is a tail about something"
"no it couldn't be it's a story to scare people"
"no it's a treasure map."

The next day they was a bundle of pirate 's sitting on the end of the boat they was a funny looking pirate with one leg so they went over to see what they were doing. They were a lot's of pirate's around here" so me hearty's you must be the cabin boy's"
"yes sir we are it would be better if you knew who we are"
"ok but you won't like this you are Rolf you are Angel Marie and you are Hawkins.

The next day they were on the island and looking for the treasure the only thing is that they saw no sign of Long John silver the one legged man." I wish I had a diamond"
"I wish I could have a pearl necklace"
"I could get Angel Marie a golden collar"
"YEH". They all had they hopes up for finding the treasure because they had loads of gold and silver and bronze because Captain Flint buried the treasure, he was very rich. "Wait a minute that look's like a spot look it said were the dead men hang high we are here" shouted Hawkins. So they went into the cave Long John silver lead the way.
"there's something strange about Long John "whispered Hawkins
"why he seems fine to me" said Rolf
"woof woof!" barked Angel Marie.
"HA HA HA HA! Laughed Hawkins
"don't be silly Marie you can't be his best friend you are a dog"
"come one let's go in the cave".
"Ah ah me heartie's we will kill you or you will hand over the treasure "
"we don't have any treasure"
"I think we should kill him AAAAAAh" shouted Long John.
"Ok I will tell you Rolf" said Hawkins.
"Thank you Hawkins well it is were that hut is really right over there"
"AAAAAHHHHH YEH!" So Rolf told them that the treasure was in the hut so they went over to the hut there was nothing there.
"Rolf now we don't get to find the treasure"
"yes we do because I have already got the treasure it's in the jolly boat come on." "yes we have the treasure let's go before they find us" so they got in the jolly boat and sailed back to the island. They were very tired when they got back. "Mr Bones we have the treasure"
"what treasure?
"the treasure of captain flint." We will be rich YEH! Let's have a party. So they had a party and they never mentioned treasure again.

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